ahw__diary__001
hi amf
i miss you. feels like we’ve been gone for a long time but also no but also yes. so much has changed! i graduated high school hahaha. lina moved to dc & back, katie and ava got a place in the city… i’m moving to maine. summer has been short and too hot and sometimes overstimulating. we started an issue that i’ve touched once every two months. i’m struggling with it. i’m not sure if sitting on it or moving forward feels more right. i write to you and that will be the right contribution for now.
i have nothing intellectual or merely interesting to say here, i suppose that i am looking for solace in the community that i’ve been loved by in the past.
so much is changing!!! i am changing! and it is scary.
i feel like i am so different from the person who last published/produced anything, both in general and under amf. i have been in this horrible creative/emotional/everything block. i can’t seem to get myself to focus on a project that is motivating me to get creative again. like - i think about amf constantly. i miss more than everything throwing myself into an issue - working with ava & katie & lina for months on end without break. but i just can’t get myself to do it. this is so strange but the most logical way i feel like i can describe it… it feels like out of all of the organs that makes my body function, half of them (in my head it is the organs on the left side of my body), the amf organs, are asleep. i sound crazy but you’ll just have to bear with me. and this blockage doesn’t just encapsulate amf - it also means any sort of creativity. i can’t journal, that’s been one of the worst side effects.
so, the real reason that i think i’m here is to slowly break that cycle. i hope that i see you all soon.
(i finished this almost a month later. bye.)